A Letter

K Smith

123 Cherry ln

Somewhere, USA 88888

Dear Socially Retarded Owners of House on 32nd Street,

   Thank you for being by far the worst and laziest landlords I've ever had.

   Thank you for taking 3 months to fix the sprinklers and yet still insist on keeping them on even though they just shot water straight up and turned the "lawn" into a mud-pit.

   Thank you for not doing anything about the insane ant infestation. Twice. Your advice of "spray some raid" was really, really helpful.


   

   Also thank you for not doing anything about the not-so-occasional night time visitors I would get in the bathroom... Spare bedroom... Random cupboards... And the front porch. They really kept me on my toes. Literally.



   Thanks for randomly asking for a $500 deposit.... 2 months after I moved in (good thing i dragged my feet on that one, right?).

  Thanks for watching as we put in time, effort, and money to furnish the place, because you had "no other plans" for the house...and then giving me my eviction notice a week later.


  


Thanks for keeping your monster truck 
thing in the side yard....

...the engine-less, interior-less Porches in both parking spots of the garage...

 

...and not one, but two trailers in my driveway. Because... I "only need one parking spot, right?" 

(this thing's not going anywhere...)

(PS, what's up with the random boat? It doesn't even have upholstery...or a motor.)

  Thanks for showing up randomly without notice. All the time.

  Thanks for sending your teenage son over to peer in windows... I mean, ahem, "mow the lawn."  You can thank him for leaving without turning the pool hose off.... Every single time.


  That reminds me... Thanks for the awesome "pool"!!!!!!!! 

aww....the pool matches my green shoes.  presh.

WTF!!!!

  Thank you for the collapsing cupboard shelves, never-ending running toilet, crappy shower with half the water coming out of the shower head, and the other half pouring out of the spout, and the drippy kitchen sink.  And the leaky refrigerator. Which leads to...

...thanks for doing absolutely no maintenance on your house whatsoever, causing the septic to back up which has resulted in an awesome bathroom flood a week before I move out*

*(which I'm not going to tell you about until I'm halfway to Utah)

** (and i'll spare you all and refrain from posting a pic)


  But mostly, thanks for your offer to be a great reference for my next rental, under the condition that I get the carpet fixed where Boston chewed a hole in the hallway.

  Thanks, but I can do without the reference. I was only there 4 months. 

Sincerely,

K


P.S. Boston s#%* in your bedroom.